AlliG Goes For Bigus Dickus

Big Dick Johnson Struts His Stuff
Big Dick Johnson Struts His Stuff

Allison Grodner has hired Chris DeJoseph, a former wrestler, as a Big Brother writer for this summer’s BB 13. She seems to have a penchant for wrestlers, as shown by the repeated casting of Jessie Godderz on seasons 10, 11 & 12. Mr. PECtacular’s fan ratings were dismal, that’s for sure, which makes it hard to think of any other reason for his being cast. He’s rumored to be in this season’s show as well, his friends have pointed to a lack of Facebook and email activity of late.

It seems AlliG is plumbing the depths of her desires to be surrounded by muscle-bound meatheads. Since being ‘let go’ from WWE SmackDown last November Chris DeJoesph has been trying to find a new job. We can well imagine what the interview process was like:

What can you tell me about yourself that I might not already know?   Why do they call you Big Dick Johnson?

Perhaps all he needed to do was say the word “wrestle” and AlliG, beyond all reason, added him to the show. Then again, he might have demonstrated some of the things which made him uniquely qualified for the role of Bigus Dickus.

Whilst looking forward to another season of Big Brother, regardless of Ms. Grodners’ continued uninspired attempts to send the franchise into oblivion, let’s not throw the fishies out with the bath water. Maybe Bigus Dickus is just what this show needs to sell more late night Sho2 ad time.

Dreaming of BB 13

As we await the coming of brand new fabulous and sparkly house-guests, I’m pondering the not-so-distant annals of Big Brother USA.  Most former house-guests have congealed like gobs of slop into one big BB haze but a few pop out, causing much laughter, tears and gas.

My favorite house-guests started off as underdogs, only to finish in a blaze of glory. Well, yeah, they didn’t actually win most of the time, but I really, really liked them. Remember Marvin, the chef with a mouth full of precious, and owner of odorous feet that could kill a small country? He stood up to the dreaded twins Natalie and Adria in Season 5 with an epic, verbal shootout, because if he was going to get evicted, might as well make everyone else miserable.

From the same season— Nakomis. The second she stepped into the house, she was on the block. But this blue-haired freak surfaced, creating a standard of wicked gameplay which still exists today. However, it was only clever enough to get her to the final four.

Kaysar! ‘Cause he was hot, and decent-minded, and hot, and sweet. And hot. Why, oh why did you take your finger off that button?!! Janelle. Yeah. She pretty much ruled BB and I still miss her.  Jordan’s Jeff. Quotable at a rate of five lines per minute. This guy had charm and humor, and should have his own non-internet TV show. Just sayin’.

If I was a casting agent I’d remember that most of the viewers favorite HG’s were likable in a sense that they were real, not just eye candy. Yes I know you gotta have the hotties, but let’s face it Chicken George was never a hottie. I rooted for him  because he was real.

Were I put in charge to peruse a crowd of hopefuls, all clutching glossy 8×10’s, I’d put together a cast of witty, sly, strange, real people. Grocery store clerks, construction workers, accountants, librarians, ex-priests, grave diggers, and then, yes, hotties. Maybe even a tattooed ballet dancer.

Happy BB13 everyone!

BB13 Public Chat

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